Clarity

I don’t normally do things like this but lately a few things have really been wearing on my nerves. My hope is that I can explain this for the final time but I’m sure that it will continue to surface somehow. I’m a pretty quiet and reserved person most of the time. I usually keep to myself and generally like to keep my life between my closest friends and loved ones. I have never tried to put my personal life on display for everyone to see. Unfortunately with this band and with it’s origins a lot of things about my life have been put out for everyone to see and read about. It seems that everyone is well aware of where our band name came from and what led to it. Yet it seems that I answer questions about it on a daily basis. 

Since most of this is common knowledge I will try to skip most of the details that everyone is already informed of. I mean absolutely no disrespect in saying any of this but I think it’s time that it be laid out very clearly once and for all. Ashley Hanley was my girlfriend (not fiance’) for almost 3 years throughout some of high school and college. We were both attending college together when she passed away in a car accident in 2006. I had just turned 20 and was still very much a child and had a lot to learn about life and love. At the time I hadn’t even lost a close friend or family member. The only loss I had ever suffered was a few family pets so needless to say I was devastated at the time. I had my own issues moving on that I had to deal with, all the while trying to continue playing in Embers Fade.

We were signed to a record deal just months after everything happened and the rest of the guys wanted to commemorate her memory by naming the band after her since it had effected most of them as well. I knew at the time that it was something that I would have to answer certain questions at some point but never like this. I guess for a naive kid from Nashville, TN I never thought of what all would come of it. Now almost 4 years later I am still asked about it in nearly every single interview that I do. If it’s not an interview it’s a loader or sound guy at the club, a guy in another band, or even the guy working a wal-mart. You never really know where it is going to come from and when.

Luckily, I am a stronger man now and can deal with these questions head on and know that everything happens for a reason. As much as I hated to hear that in the past I know that it’s the truth now. People would tell me “everything happens for a reason” and it would infuriate me. I couldn’t see then what I do now though. Whether you wan’t to hear it or not, God has a plan and a path for everyone’s life. It may take some twists and turns but he will always guide you and set you back on solid ground. It took a while for me to see what he was doing in my life but it unfolded all right before my eyes and I am thankful for his blessing everyday.

Krystl was a very close friend of mine throughout everything, even before the accident. The way that God made everything sort out and fall into place was out of this world. She completely knew and understood what she was getting into when we first started dating and she never once hesitated or looked away. She has constantly handled everything with an amazing amount of grace and class at all times. Just imagine what it would feel like to hear your partner constantly being questioned about their ex and think about how you would deal with it. Even at times being the target of unwarranted attacks out of some sick sort of misguided loyalty. Having people try to make comparisons that could never be made. All by people who know absolutely nothing about either person. It’s really unfortunate that some people feel the need to ask about so much of the past and feel a need to be so involved in the present. I guarantee that most people would not be able to deal with it and be so strong. There isn’t exactly a certain way that we are taught to deal with these things. There is no class in school or book to read about how to deal with such a situation.  It completely blows me away how strong Krystl is and has been about everything. I have always believed that there are two kinds of relationships. The kind that make each other better people and the kind that makes each other worse. Fortunately for me, she made me stronger than ever and helped me overcome things that would have broken me years ago. I have never in my life loved some one and felt that same love in return the way that I do with Krystl. She really is my better half in every way. I have no doubt in my mind that God has blessed me with my soulmate and I am beyond thankful every single day.

I sincerely hope that someday all of this is just as much common knowledge as everything else is. Some of you may never understand any of this but, as with most things in life, you will never understand until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes. I choose to spend my time looking forward to the future and all of the bright things it has in store rather than looking in the rear-veiw mirror. I’m the happiest that I have ever been in my life and I know that it will only continue to get better.